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I'll lie face-down on a table for a minute butt facial and I'll do it a second time with an electric-muscle-stimulation add-on. I admire women who take off their tops in the locker room without facing the wall, but I will never be one of them. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be hairless or a fear of pain in fact, I've semi-mastered the at-home wax on myself , and absolutely everything to do with anxiety. People say the same thing about aestheticians as they do about gynecologists: "They've seen a million vaginas — they don't care about yours! I've never gotten a bikini wax, either, if we're getting into specifics here. I'll get Botox on Facebook Live as thousands of trolls comment and tell me that my skin is oily and that I'm ruining my life. Do you think I don't want one of the perfectly waxed assholes Maya Rudolph yells about in Bridesmaids? Look, I envy you people, I really do.

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